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[spladoum]

My name is Georgi Nelville, and I'm a zombie.

My roommate is Andi Nelville. I say "roommate" because Andi and I aren't related, surprisingly enough. We met when I answered an ad in the classifieds that said: Wanted: Two male roommates for a three-bedroom two-story house in the middle of the most depressingly sunny place in town. Must like sand. (1)( He wasn't kidding.) Must like bad pop music. Must be able to pay rent and bills, or successfully scam off parents. Must not be overly stupid. Sort-of stupid okay.

He did a double-take when I said my name and muttered something about his dad "poking into too many holes." But we got along fine after I took him for a ride in my car: a gently-used Audi that I bought eight months ago, saving up for it by eating ramen until the day my bank account showed the magic number. He offered me a ride in his, but one look at the license plate ("FSTER") told me that it would be a bad idea.

We had a pillow fight instead. (2) Where those pillows came from is beyond me, but what can I say? Coldwater Crossing is a strange place.

***

That night, Andi asked me why I wasn't carrying on about brains and stinking up the whole house. I suppose it's because I'm a hybrid or something. I have good posture and except for my blotchy skin, I could be human.

I wish I was human. I really want a family someday. Andi laughed and asked me if I was planned to marry someone blind. "Dude, you're a freak. Really."

I was about to say something about a pot and a kettle when he went on, "...you totally want money first. People get it all backwards. Money buys you all the stuff. You get the chick so that you can get married or just sleep with her. It buys you all the smarts. It buys you the friends and the good times. Why don't people get it? Anyway, 'round here sucks. Let's go out."

***

"Out" for Andi means drinking, so we went to a pool hall/bar. And that's where we met our future roommate, Matthew Mazza. (3) Andi finally asked his name after Matthew beat his pants off three games straight. But hey, he's a vampire. He's got all the time in the world to hustle pool, right? We sat down for a drink afterwards. (4)

"...so, Mr...um..."

"Count Matthew, please." He's very formal. If I didn't know his accent was real, I'd laugh.

"Sorry, Count." Andi was laughing. "Whaddya do for fun, 'sides stealing from poor guys like me?"

"You had too much confidence, and not enough ability," the Count retorted. "Your skills are lacking."

"What the helll...Georgi, get a load of this dipwad! 'My skills are lacking.' Butthead." He slammed his drink down and stomped off. "C'mon, let's go home."

We went, but strangely enough, Matthew came too, and Andi didn't argue. When we woke up in the morning, we didn't see him, but we heard noises from the third bedroom, which was supposed to be locked. And around midnight, Matthew came out acting as if he lived here now. And since neither of us had the balls to make him leave, I guess he was.

***

So here we are. Andi is an actor. I was surprised to hear it myself. But apparently he's pretty in-demand because he's not afraid of doing stunts. Matthew naturally can't keep a job because of his, uh, "condition." He's been working slacker gigs, although he's just as likely to quit any position he doesn't like and just get a new job tomorrow. Convenience store clerking didn't agree with him or his boss; seems customers don't like a guy constantly threatening to go up in flames around them and their gas pumps. I think he's a DJ now.

And me? Believe it or not, I'm a cop. Working my way up the ladder, slowly but surely...

...I really want to get married. These guys are lunatics.

[ChickFlick9207]

great start to a story April! i cant wait for more.

[amy_55555]

Yay! I love your stories spladoum! :rah:
And the pictures are always great too. I can't wait to see where this story's headed! ;)

[Lindsay_1]

I like the zombie, alien, vampire roomie thing, it should make for an interesting story. Of course, anything written by April is bound to be interesting and superb!

Can't wait for more! :rah:

[cindyanne1]

Great start! I also like the zombie/alien/vampire roomie thing...interesting!

Can't wait for more!

Hugs
Cindy

[pookie_dilly]

:rah: Spladoum is back! Great start!

-P.Dilly :wub:

[spladoum]

The more I got to know Andi and Count Matthew, the more confused I was about them both.

Matthew is very resilent; he doesn't seem to have the "sunlight allergy" that so many of his friends deal with. When I'm home from work, he occasionally comes out to talk, but more often to listen to me or Andi complain. Matthew gives off that aura of confidence. Maybe that's why women he's just met all but eat out of his hand. (1)

Andi gives off a "I'm-hot-and-you-want-me" aura, but I guess that's a requirement for an actor. Girls are constantly falling over themselves to talk to him, even when he's insulting them to their faces. (2) Then again, asking an actor "Weren't you the guy from that movie about the thing?" probably isn't a good idea.

Now remember, neither of them could care less about whom they're with. Now get this: the women who are most interesting in them are family ladies. I'm serious. Right now, Andi has three different women trying to get into his Hugo Boss slacks; Matthew is dating one and stringing along another. Family, family, family, family, family. Every one.

I can't get a date to save my miserable life. Matthew says it's because I come out as gloomy; Andi says that chicks don't dig goody-two-shoes cops. I asked him if they dug mediocre stuntmen with bad dye jobs. We haven't spoken for a week.

***

Lately Andi's been bringing home some woman from his job. I mean, he invites her in, gets on his cell phone, and ignores her while she sits alone on the couch. That's Andy for you.

I began to talk to her. Not much and not about anything too heavy--we chatted about the game that was on and about my job (3) and about her job (she's a makeup artist on Andi's current gig) and it didn't seem as though we had known each other for very long before my heart was pounding. Without really knowing what I was doing, I reached out to touch her shoulder.

She stepped back, looking at me with wary blue eyes. "Hold it, now. You're not hitting on me, are you?"

"Um...yes?" I tried to laugh, but failed. She didn't look too pleased. "...sorry. I guess that was out of line."

"You guessed right." She threw herself onto the couch, and I timidly sat at the other end, about as embarrassed as I could be. Good thing I don't blush much. That blue skin's good for something after all.

***

Even though she didn't talk to me much after that, Brooke kept coming home with Andi, and he kept ignoring her. It made me sick to see it. It made me sicker after I realized that she liked him. I asked her why.

"...oh, you know...it's just fun to hang around someone who's crazy enough to do anything. And besides, he likes me, or he wouldn't keep asking me to come over."

"But he's so rude to you-"

"Yeah, well, he can do that. He's hot." And she grinned to herself.

I didn't want to think about why my hand was fluttering. "What do you mean, 'hot?' What's hot to you?"

She turned that grin on me, as if she knew just where I was going. "Georgi, I see what you're up to! You already know you're hot, and you just want me to say it. Fine." She coyly waved a finger at me and made a hissing sound before leaning over and whispering, "Hottie."

...did I say I don't blush? Well, I don't, but I wish I could. I dreamed about her all night.

***

I finally worked up enough courage to ask Brooke to meet me after I got off work. I've been moving up through the force, and I've got a desk job and I work regular hours, getting off the clock just in time for Happy Hour. She came. We talked. I reached for her hand and got that look again, so I gave up.

She left shortly afterwards, pleading a headache. I left too. I actually had a headache. Why do girls like jerks? Why do they say that they want a nice guy and then ignore nice guys? Why is everyone around me giving up on love and I'm still standing on the outside looking in? Matthew listened to me grumble for the rest of the evening.(4) He's really good about that.

I woke up on his couch under a blanket. He was too nice to wake me back up and send me to my own room. I got dressed, went out to my car and found a note from Andi: Hey you. Cheer up.

We went out to dinner together that night. It was fun, especially when the waitress spent so much time ogling Andi that she dumped a salad on him. Good times. He still signed an autograph for her, so he can't be all bad.

[ChickFlick9207]

Ha! i looks like someone needs some TLC.

[spladoum]

The weeks dragged miserably on. I went out with a few different girls, the dates ranging from "okay" to "okay." They either had some stupid fetish about "men in uniform" and bored me, or we found out too late that we had nothing in common and I bored them. It was disheartening to say the least.

But I kept moving up through the ranks steadily. If I couldn't get anything else right, I was going to make Police Chief someday. I say someday because it really doesn't seem like time passes around here; I've been here for going on two years by the calendar and it doesn't feel like I've aged a day. But like I said before, Coldwater Crossing is a strange place. It hasn't rained once since I came to town.

***

I finally met a nice young lady. Her name is Jeannie, and she's the manager of Hot Dog Haven. I talk to her every time they cater one of our events. The last time we spoke on the phone, I told her that she had a nice voice and she giggled. I really wanted to meet the owner of that giggle (trust me, it was impressive), and I asked her if it would be possible for her to bring the food to the precinct herself. She did.

We went out to Yuna's afterwards to have a bite to eat (1), because both of us were so busy during the luncheon that we forgot to get anything for ourselves. I found myself staring at her a lot, which was kind of strange to me. Jeannie wasn't blonde and she didn't wear any makeup. And I wanted her anyway.

...was she the one?

I reached for her hand. She smiled at me, and folded my cold fingers in her own.

It's funny how people think that kissing is the most intimate thing you can do. I know a lot of guys who brag about whomever they were sleeping with the night before and then add on, "But I didn't kiss her or anything." They might be surprised to learn that just touching someone's hand with your own can be an incredible turn-on. But then again, people who are stuffing themselves with junk food don't understand why gourmands eat hors d'oeurves one at a time.

***

"What the hell is this?" (2) Andi glared at the note attached to the rose on the front porch, and stomped into the house. "Georgi!"

"Andrew..." There was the creak of the coffin being opened from the inside, and Matthew stumbled out of his room, squinting against the light that dimly lit the hallway. "Stop shouting, please..."

"Do you know who he's dating?" Andi asked, wheeling around to face the count. He ran out to the porch and picked up the vase, shoving the note under Matthew's nose. "Look at this!"

Matthew read silently.

"Damn it, I knew he was desperate..." Andi pulled out a cellphone. "I'm not letting this happen."

The intense pressure of a strong hand around his wrist made his hand go numb, and the phone dropped uselessly on the floor, the number undialed. "What will you tell him, Andrew? And why do you expect him to believe anything you say? He is upset because he feels unloved, and now he may have a chance to love a woman. You will tell him to throw the woman away. For what?"

"Because he doesn't know who he's dealing with," Andi growled, shaking his wrist free. "Because he's falling in love with a scam artist."

[fizz bomb]

awww poor Georgie he has no luck does he

[HazyFlowers]

Great story. I really want to know what happens!

[cindyanne1]

Awwwww...I'm really starting to feel for poor Georgie!! Zombie or not...(sniff!) he's just a regular guy, after all...

This is a great story...and funny too! Can't wait for more!

Hugs
Cindy

[- lil g -]

Ooooh this story is great. I love Georgi (coz he kinda shares my name) and hes such a nice person as well. Its a shame he fell for a con artist.

[kastanton01]

Poor Georgi! I have a soft spot in my heart for the nice guys! Maybe one can hope that she's a reformed scam artist?

[Rosannauk]

aww give hima a bit of happiness

[spladoum]

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said."

The dusky Count squinted and rubbed his red eyes before murmuring, "Well, if I must be awake, we will be productive. Play chess with me."

They did. (1) And Andi told Matthew the story of Jeannie Wade, how she was the prime example of "family sim gone utterly wrong." So obsessed with children that she could hardly find the time to feed herself, by age 27, she had already had six children by four different men. Her utter preoccupation with children (particularly, toddlers) had alienated her husbands--the first one had left two years into their marriage after he realized that Jeannie was far more interested in stuffing bottles into the baby's mouth than she was in making love, cooking, or even noticing him. The second one loved children as well, but he had been sterile for years, and Jeannie mysteriously became pregnant one day, even though she slept in the nursery and he slept in the bed. She told the judge that her husband must have joined her one night while she was still asleep; the man himself begged to differ. Numbers three and four were anyone's guess; Jeannie herself didn't know.

"...she is looking for someone to take the place of the men who left, then."

"Yup." Andi scowled as Matthew put him in check yet again. "And the worst part about it is that someone like Georgi would never suspect a thing because he's trusting."

"Where do you know her from?"

"...seen her around the sets occasionally, looking for a Ralph or a Thomas or a Clark or whatever. Y'know, depends on the day of week." Andi swept the board clean and went upstairs to change clothes, and Matthew sat at the table alone, wondering if maybe he shouldn't say something. But his skin was beginning to smolder, and with a sigh, he went back into his windowless bedroom to rest in the silent coffin.

***

I came home with Alon Almassizadeh, a coworker, and Jeannie, who had taken off work early to visit me at the precinct. All three of us sat in the living room, watching some news program until Andi poked his head in the door and said, "I got food. Any of you hungry?"

We went out to his speciality: lunch meat sandwiches. Sounds simple, but Andi likes different deli meat and he's pretty good at matching certain meats with certain cheeses and condiments. It makes the sandwich noticeably different, depending on what it was made with. He handed me the pastrami-roast beef-baby swiss-spinach-arugula-dijon mustard-spicy mayo number. Yum.

"So," Jeannie said, flashing me a beautiful smile as she pressed her sandwich flat and made a clean, diagonal cut, "you say you like children, Georgi?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Yeah, Jeannie," Andi called from the other end of the table (2), "why don't you tell about us some kids? Like, all six of 'em."

Jeannie looked a little flustered. Alon stifled a chuckle and muttered, "Where's the bathroom?" before leaving the room.

"...what?"

"Hey, Jeannie. Didn't I see you up at the studios again this week? Looking for Louis or Frank or Peter or...what's his name again? You know, that guy from that party..."

Jeannie began to look more flustered. I swallowed my current bite, glaring at Andi, who wore a smug expression. Bastard...what the hell was his problem today?

"So, Jeannie, you know, if you tell me what the guy's name is, I can probably find him. But maybe you didn't know his name this time either...like that other time, or the time before..."

Before I really knew what I was doing, I had Andi by the wrist, hauling him outside and slamming the door behind us. To my surprise, he looked just as angry as I felt. "What are you doing? Are you friends with her or something, that you feel like you can just be a complete jerk and embarrass her about something that's not even your business?"

"No, I'm not her friend! And trust me, everyone knows about her 'business.' Everyone except you, apparently." He walked the length of the porch, scowling at his dirty sneakers and cursing the entire way.

"I already know about her kids."

He stopped.

"She told me. What do I care? It's not like I can have any."

Andi turned to look at me for a long, long moment before finally snarling, "George, you're a freakin' idiot," and stomping back inside. I didn't want to go after him, and fortunately the downstairs toilet clogged at the same time the kitchen sink broke, so I didn't have to. They went out together later that night and didn't invite me along. It's just as well.

***

"I do not understand." Matthew stirred his vodka/cranberry combination with the straw for a moment before downing the whole glass. The cubes clinked as he caught the bartender's eye and tapped the rim, gesturing for another. "You do not want him to be happy."

"No, you don't understand." Andi stared at his beer sullenly. "He won't be happy with her."

"You do not know that."

Andi turned his irritable gaze on the vampire at his side. "I know that the woman sleeps around. I know that Georgi deserves better than to get stuck with some skank who can't even remember who the father of her children is."

"She goes to work and supports her children. She is a better woman that you will admit, Andrew."

Andi knocked back half the glass in a single gulp. "She's working because the judge finally got a clue. She can't keep arguing for child support when she can't remember who she slept with this week."

They were silent for a little longer before Matthew finally asked what had been on his mind since that morning. "You do not know Georgi very well; you have only been his roommate for two months. Why do you care so much?"

Andi finished his beer before mumbling, "...he's my big brother."

***

Before they left the bar for the night, Andi told Matthew another story, how he had come to be related to a zombie hybrid.

"...ever heard of Hank Nelville? Probably not...he was kind of unknown, 'cept for when they took him away for 'crimes against nature' or some crap like that. Then he was all over the news. Anyway...he worked with gene splicing, and he was trying to find a way to make zombies fertile again, 'cause, y'know, they're sterile and all. Well, he did something right, because one of the zombie females got pregnant. But he was abducted by aliens that same night, and the next night the feds shut down his lab and took 'im to the pen. He had me while he was behind bars, and they took me away and placed me with a foster family. I never knew what happened to my brother or his mother...I only had a few pictures of him." Andi morosely kicked at his stool. "I never thought I'd see him again...and then he shows up on my doorstep wanting a place to live after twenty-something years."

He looked at Matthew, dark eyes unfocused with alcohol. "If you tell him anything about this, I'll kill you." He slid off the stool and stumbled towards the bathroom, leaving the vampire alone at the bar.

The bartender waved a bill at Matthew. "Closing time, pal. You paying with cash or plastic?"

[spladoum]

From the beginning of this week, both Andi and Matthew have been avoiding me. I want to say it's not annoying, but I'd be lying then, and I don't like to lie. I even went so far as to come home without Jeannie, and I haven't said her name in front of either of them for a while. Andi shakes his head when he sees me; Matthew keeps starting to say something and stops. They're both really starting to piss me off. When Friday came and they were still doing the same thing, I left them to themselves and went up to Hot Dog Haven, intending to surprise Jeannie. I parked in the back by the dumpster; she had only seen my squad car, not my Audi.

"...so girl..." A female voice drifted from the alley between the restaurant and the clothing shop next door. I knew it as one of the other managers; I had spoken to her on the phone a few times. "Whatcha doin' with some dirty zombie? You sunk that low?"

I froze.

"Look..." (That was Jeannie.) "I can't even find Nathan. And honestly...I think I'm pregnant again..."

"Well, he's gonna know it ain't his! You know them zombies can't have no babies."

"Of course it's not his! We haven't even done anything. He hasn't even kissed me."

"...you been dating him for how long, now, and you two ain't even kissed? Girl, I b'lieve that man is gay."

I was edging away at this point. I didn't need to hear any more. But I couldn't help but hear the very last thing Jeannie said before I shut the car door softly:

"...I mean, he's soft and all, but that just means I can go out and have my fun, right? He likes kids so much, he can stay home with them."

***

So that's how I ended up in a bar (1) when I should have been at work, being responsible and cleaning up my fellow officers' messes for them. The pretty bartender listened to me complain for quite some time without a word in reply. (2)

After a while I stopped talking, and started looking. She was tall; about my height. Despite the full length apron, I could tell that she was nicely curvy. The observant part of my brain grumbled that she was a redhead instead of a blonde; another observant part pointed out that she had a very pretty face and no ring on either hand. A naughty part of my brain wondered how she might feel in my lap. I tried to ignore that part.

She was leaning on the bar, staring straight at me with clear gray eyes. "You know what your problem is, mister? You try to follow the rules too much. That works on the job. It doesn't always work with people."

"Is that so?"

"That's so," she nodded. "Sometimes you gotta listen to your gut, not your brain. The brain means well, but it's a real loser at love." She tapped my glass. "More?"

"Sure," I mumbled, watching her mix another drink for me. Despite her lack of blonde hair or makeup, I was charmed by her. She was spontaneous and charming and very, very pretty. And judging by the looks she was giving me, she was available. My gut said go for it.

My brain said that she was a Romantic.

[cindyanne1]

I love this story! I am really starting to like Georgi, too...poor thing! And ooohhh...what a slag that Jeannie is! I'm glad Georgi overheard her! :mad:

You truly have a gift, Spladoum...I'm just glad I caught one of your very excellent stories at the beginning!! :rah:

Hugs
Cindy

[HazyFlowers]

wow, I loved the updates.

Good thing Georgi found out before it was too late with Jeannie, didn't he?

[CheetahBaby]

So glad I found this story... Lovin it already...
Poor guy.. I hope he finds somebody wonderfull!! :wub: